Have a fucking wonderful life.

What. The. Thirty years, like woah. I think I just got whiplash.

I sure don’t feel thirty. I feel abundant.

Feeding people, riding my bike, petting my dog, making love, loving love, surrounding myself with flavorful projects and drinking all the good drinks, makes me feel bounteous.

Life doesn’t become perfect at 30, but by then, you have a good amount figured out. Though all your dreams haven’t come true, thanks to life experience, you have a pretty good idea of how to bring them to fruition. I know who I am (mostly), what I want and how to get it. And at this point, I’ve realized, there is no point to neglecting myself whatever it is I desire out of life, love and everything else that’s meant to be amazing for me.

Why not?

It’s crazy that I spent bits and pieces of that 30 years catering to others perceptions on how life is suppose to be led.

A few years ago I woke up utterly depressed. Each day I felt more and more disheartened as I realized that each year passing was just around the corner. This certainly wasn’t about stocking up on anti-aging creams or trying to figure out how to make more money. It was about knowing that I had been denying myself some of the experiences I day dreamed of by naively not creating them for myself. So simple, right? Just, like, do what you want.

I can do that.

Oh.. and hey, Celebrate the small stuff. Rejoice over each tiny triumph. It’s cool. No one is looking. They are busy fussing about their own little worlds. You have every right to do the same.

Love, fuck, and eat up this world as much as you can. Cry hard and laugh even harder. Get angry and hurt. Work hard and get really tired. Be kind and understanding. Experience everything to a heightened level that you can barely breathe. Continue to be amazing.

Above all else, don’t let another second pass that you aren’t doing exactly it is you want to be doing. And who cares if you look like an idiot doing it. I promise you, no matter what you are doing, someone out there will always think you are an asshole.

Don’t worry, you’ll probably think the same back.

So, What makes you happy? How can I assist you?

I have no idea what I’m doing. But neither do you.

Who is Keri?

Oh, She’s lovely. But then, I would say that, because I am She.

She’s decided to keep a blog because, lets face it, She needs all the help She can get. Who doesn’t?

So… Yeah.

At the moment I have two primary concerns, to be laughing and to help others feel invincible.  For the vast majority of my life, I’ve been awed by the realization that our existence matters. However much easier to think it doesn’t, I have always had this belief, hidden in the parts of me. But I’ve never said it out loud, because if you think it does, if you tell others, you will be overwhelmed.

I’m not talking about “God”, or whatever. I’m not sure I even want to be talking about the complexities of life. More so, a short quip, of an explanation, of why I am so intent on being good.

How about this:

No one in the world knows everything. Everyone is good at some things and not so good at others. No matter how talented, smart, or capable you are, you cannot predict or control everything that happens in your life. We have to learn by fucking up. Because, like anything else, your life will improve with practice. Learning who you are doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, in my humble opinion, we wont know til we are dead.

Because of this, I have this incredible appreciation for something so intriguingly delicate as my fellow human being.

Let’s not get it twisted, though. There are some real dicks out there and the world can be a very disgusting, horrible place.  I’m not saying to be blissfully unaware. I am saying that you need to be concerned with your own experience and needs, regardless of all the external happenings. I’m certainly not ignorant. But I do strongly believe, if you obsess about these things you cannot control, this not only limits your potential in life; it also minimizes your ability to make a positive impact on those around you and to the value of your own being.

So, I want to be good.

I want to help you smile.

I want to share that moment where we discover our strengths and weaknesses and laugh so hard, we need to pee.

I will give you an unguarded version of myself. I will show you I have something to offer. I will (hopefully) be patient. I will take from you only that which you allow. I want to embrace you, because our lives decided to collide, regardless of our own selfish little bubble. I will always try to understand the world better and learn to observe it more carefully. And when you start feeling unsure of yourself, I want to help you remember: we were all born with unknowings and really, isn’t it all sort of funny?

I’ll do this and hope that someone will show me the same kindness, but regardless of.

I bet I fuck up. But what I want is to be good, so I guess that is what I’ll be.